Where Hope Finds Me

Dredging in the doldrums of sorrow and pain
The past but a parade of badly made choices
Bad choices that got me exactly where I stood
At the lowest point in the valley of desperation
Drowning in the impossibility of resurrection
From my self-made prison of hopelessness

Then through the flood of self-pitied tears
As I stared down for fear of glimpsing doom
I saw a shadow stretching from behind me
But there was no sun for to cast this silhouette
Quickly I turned that I might see for myself
And I saw; and I fell to my knees in utter fear

For the shadow grew larger as it came for me
Close now, its red glowing eyes shone bright
Black and cold it pointed a bony finger my way
My frozen soul ached at the pull of pure evil
Through thought that this evil could be my relief
My escape from the despair of hopeless misery

My life flashed before me, the good and the bad
Then all thoughts stopped at one exact moment
The day I rejected the One they called Jesus
I’d pushed Him away and paved my own path
A path fraught with bad choices, pain and strife
Bad choices that got me exactly where I stood

That moment would not depart from my brain
Would this be the torture I’d carry for eternity
Reliving the instant I rejected His mercy
Just so I could do things the way I decided
Decisions that have turned my life upside down
Decisions that got me exactly where I stood

I didn’t need Him then, but I need Him so now
But, alas, I fear it must be too late to save me
I’m unworthy, filthy, corrupted and immoral
A heart of wickedness; an unsalvageable soul
Not a decent bone in this wasted walking corpse
I’m not even worthy of an eternity in Hell

I crumpled to the ground as regret flooded in
Why had I pushed away the hope of all mankind
If only I had one last chance to accept His grace
One chance to set my feet on the righteous path
Forgive me, Lord, for turning my back on You
That moment will be my torture forevermore

Then I felt a gentle hand, softly on my shoulder
I heard a voice so calming whisper in my ear
I looked up and I saw Jesus smiling down at me
He called me son as He took my hand in love
Tears of joy filled my eyes as He lifted me up
Hope had found me in the depths of my despair

© 2014 Earl Parsons